Top Chef D.C. Recap: Episode 12

So a few of you noticed that there was no Top Chef recap or Power Rankings last week; thanks for that. A number of things contributed, from Bravo’s shift of Top Chef from 9PM to 10PM (causing a DVR conflict that didn’t see it record until the 11PM showing) to the unavailability of a full online episode until late in the afternoon (by which time the Bravo site has already spoiled the outcome) to just overall burnout. Regardless of the reason, it is crunch time now and I’m back with your regularly scheduled recaps.

IN CASE YOU’RE JUST JOINING US: Top Chef visited the Washington Nationals baseball team. Two days after this episode was shown, the Nationals best player learned he wouldn’t be able to play for the rest of this season, AND all of next season. I think the emotional shock of Amanda being off the show was too much for Stephen Strasburg. We understand, Stephen – right there with you.

Chefs wake up in the morning, JUST LIKE YOU AND ME. Kevin says everyone is anxious now, which makes sense because there’s no more sacrificial lambs now – everyone left could win this competition. Meanwhile, Angelo is talking to Kelly. Kelly misses her husband and starts to get a little emotional talking about him; they start showing wedding pictures and all that. It seems much worse since there’s an episode a week, but in reality it’s only really two weeks or so that Top Chef is taped over, so while I feel sympathy, I don’t feel that bad. Angelo was married and has a son, but divorced last year; she didn’t seem to “get” his passion for cooking compared to more “professional” occupations like a doctor or lawyer. I don’t know – it’s not like Angelo was a dishwasher talking a big game or anything; the guy has been working with major names for over 10 years.

WE ARE STILL NOT LIVE from Top Chef Kitchen Stadium where Angelo’s excited that there’s wine everywhere; wine is one of his passions. Padma is with Dana Cowin, editor-in-chief of Food & Wine magazine, who always has a big part in Top Chef each season. Ed lets us know that he’s friends with her on Facebook, although he doesn’t think she knows who he is. Face it Ed, Dana Cowin is using you to build a barn in Farmville – she’s no friend.

It’s QUICKFIRE CHALLENGE time, and Dana tells them what they probably already expected – they need to make a dish that pairs well with the wine they choose. This is the last “high stakes” Quickfire, with the winner getting a trip to London. Besides Angelo, Kelly thinks she’s got a leg up since she pairs up food and wine at her restaurant (although her husband is the wine person). Tiffany, on the other hand, doesn’t feel that wine is her “strong point.” Regardless, it’s GOGOGOGOGO with 60 minutes. Admittedly, with only 5 contestants left, GOGOGOGOGO is less trainwreck now with less hands getting grabby. Hell, Kevin didn’t even dash, although maybe he should have.

Ed’s still coasting off his win from last week (OHHHH, that’s who won) and is going with a wagyū ribeye (read: Kobe) which brings tears to my eyes to see how good that meat looks. Tiffany is going to the wagyū too, which is just teasing me. Kevin is braising pork belly, which he knows is risky because they only have an hour and that takes time. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PLOT POINT. With time running down, Kevin looks at his pork and realizes it isn’t going to work, so he needs to find something to replace it with the dish. He settles on quail, but he’s pissed at himself and really pressed for time. Kevin manages to get plated before time runs out, though.

Cowin gives critiques, although most is complementary. She feels that Kevin and Kelly had the least successful dishes this time; Kevin’s quail didn’t pair well with the wine (although Cowin said it was beautifully cooked) and Kelly’s pairing with “off a little bit”. Best dishes were Angelo’s (who Cowin called an “interesting dish”), and Tiffany (whose meat was “cooked beautifully”). Tiffany starts talking about how great it would be to go to London, and since she’s already won a trip to Paris, she might just as well take care of all of Europe. See – this is the Tiffany I wasn’t crazy about. I understand you’re on a roll, but there’s a difference between “confident” and “cocky” and I think she’s already passed it. Wouldn’t matter anyway, as Angelo takes the Quickfire, the trip to London, and dirty looks from Tiffany. Angelo seems relieved.

Padma then announces that the finals will, for the first time, be taking place on foreign soil. The remaining four contestants (after tonight) will be going to Singapore, meaning whoever loses tonight is going to kick themselves because of how close they got. It’s OK though – I hear the losers in Singapore get caned.

Padma’s got a new guest (GTFO Cowin), and we learn that she’s a “Food Scientist” for NASA, and that the ELIMINATION CHALLENGE will take place at Goddard Space Flight Center. I’m fascinated with the food scientist; she has these hellacious braces in her mouth that make her look like a Bond villain. I’m guessing no caramel, peanut brittle, or gum will be involved in tonight’s Elimination Challenge.

So Jaws and Padma drop the bombshell – the challenge is a “zero-gravity” challenge, with the dish the chefs create having to be able to be freeze dried and sent into space. We hear from some astronauts at the International Space Station who spin around and look cool (there’s ALWAYS a female astronaut with long hair in those zero-gravity shots, because floating hair looks UBERCOOL), and Jaws lets the chefs know a little bit about what they’re in for: keep the sugar low (sugar doesn’t like to be freeze-dried), no big chunks (also hard to freeze-dry), and astronauts like their food spicy. Yeah – I can’t imagine it’s easy to operate a bottle of Frank’s Red Hot in zero gravity. Kelly is all geeked out because she’s really a space nerd who went to SpaceCamp when she was 13. I’m seeing her in the Lea Thompson role, myself.

The crew hops into the LUXURIOUS TOYOTA SIENNA WITH REMOTE START AND XM SATELLITE RADIO OPTIONAL SEE YOUR DEALER FOR DETAILS to get their grub. While the Quickfire didn’t have the clashing that we had before with more people, the Whole Foods Supermarket Sweep does, mainly because it’s such a tight race now and they’ve got the added pressure of Singapore hanging over them. Ed’s going with a Moroccan dish, figuring to play off the spiciness request, while Kevin decides to go a little deeper than the direct requests and do a “comforting, down to earth” dish, figuring that being in space they’d want a reminder of home. Kevin’s putting some thought into this – watch out.

Back at Top Chef Kitchen Stadium for prep, and Kevin finds it interesting that he’s the only one doing an “American” dish while everyone else is going with ethnic themes. I think Kevin gets a kick out of going against the grain. Kevin is also on camera about 100 more times than everyone else; he pretty much is the color commentator for the show. Tiffany says she’s cooking from the soul in her dish, while Angelo’s drawing out a blueprint of his dish. ChefJudge Tom comes to be nosy and screw with everybody’s head, and does a fine job of it – asking questions and giving looks that just make you second-guess yourself. He looks at Angelo’s sketch and asks him how he has taken the space theme into effect, and Angelo says he’s cut down the sugar – Tom looks skeptical. Tom leaves, and we’re back to work. Everything is running smoothly, no conflicts in the kitchen, when Kelly calls to Tiffany to tell her the mussels she had been chilling had chilled a bit too much, and were now frozen. There’s almost no time left, and Tiffany can’t use the frozen mussels, so she’s got to adapt her dish without the use of the mussels. Tiffany is shaken up about this, and Ed tries to comfort her later at the house, but she’s taking it hard. Meanwhile, Kevin is still working this underdog angle, noting that he’s got so much more to fight for in this competition because all the remaining chefs have made it and have their own restaurants, while he hasn’t gotten there yet (not really – only Angelo and Kelly have their own restaurants, Tiffany and Ed are executive chefs like you are) and then he tells a story about how they had to take his mom off of life support but that she kept on fighting and didn’t die right away and that’s what he was going to do – keep on fighting. I understand the analogy, but it doesn’t make it any less disturbing.

The chefs get ready to leave for Goddard when they find a note that tells them that their ride to Goddard is waiting outside, and that the winner can take it home with them. Everyone goes outside to see a BRANDNEWCAR~! {/RodRoddy] I’ll spare you the commercial; it’s a Toyota Avalon, and we’ll leave it at that.

The chefs start working in the Goddard kitchen, where they admit that it’s a little tight. The thing is that all five of them are working together very well, passing tools and being cordial to each other – something we haven’t seen really until this week. When you know everyone is good, you tend to be more focused on your dish than worrying about strategy, I guess. As Tiffany shifts her vision of her broth to compensate for not having the mussels she froze, we hear that she was 15 when she started working at IHOP, where she was told that women did not work in the kitchen. She worked hard, and she got in that kitchen. [NOTE: Modesty – Tiffany was working in IHOP management by age 17, one of (if not the) youngest to do so.] Plating and we’re ready to serve.

Sitting at the table waiting to be served is possibly our best group yet. Eric Ripert is HERE. Buzz Aldrin is HERE. Anthony Bourdain is HERE. Ripert and Bourdain are at the same table – my nipples could cut glass right now. Kelly’s dish is first; she’s giddy because Buzz Aldrin is checking her out. Well, her food at least. Tom thinks her dish is well done, and Aldrin says it’s very good. Jaws questions whether there’s too much liquid in the dish to properly freeze-dry, then bites through cable car wire. Ed’s dish is next, which they find really flavorful; Ripert thinks it’s maybe too complicated, but Bourdain notes that he’s been to Morocco often, and thinks that Ed nailed it. One of the astronauts questions what they do with the bone in space, however. That’s where Krypto comes in, people.

Before Kevin’s dish is served, they start talking about utensils in space, and spoons in particular. Aldrin reveals that he still has his spoon from Apollo 11 – for some reason I find this amazingly cool. Kevin’s dish is served; Tom thinks it is well seasoned, and overall everyone seems to like it, but Jaws again questions how the onion ring is going to stay crisp in freeze-drying. I’m assuming Jaws doesn’t get invited out too much. Tiffany dish is next; Ripert isn’t excited by it, but Bourdain loves the fish sauce, but then again he’s a sucker for fish sauce. Seriously – the banter between Ripert and Bourdain could be a watchable sitcom; just take my word for it. Finally, Angelo’s dish wraps up the tasting. Aldrin thinks it’s very tasty and a nice surprise. Tom thinks it’s very successful, but he doesn’t like the candied ginger because it’s way too sweet. Bourdain calls it very sophisticated, and thinks that it can work well in space. There’s not a whole hell of a lot to go on here – little nitpicks for everything, but mostly praise across the board.

Everyone is called to the judge’s table – no top or bottom groups here. Everyone did a good job – the difference between the winner and the loser tonight is minimal. Ed was praised for a very good and very complicated dish. Lots of things could have made it go wrong, but he got them all right. Tom says Tiffany’s fish was cooked great, wasn’t crazy about the tomatoes, and felt that she should have taken the skin off the peppers, because the skin was bitter. Ripert says he wanted a little bit of lemon or lime juice for the dish to give it acidity, while Bourdain feels a stronger tasting fish would have worked better with the fish sauce – the mussels would have helped there. Tom says Kelly nailed the artichokes perfectly. Ripert asks if she has ever been to Provence and studied technique there; she says she has and that she adores the food (assuming she meant she’s been there, not necessarily studied the technique), and that it is close to her heart. Ripert says that it shows – high praise. Tom tells Angelo that his crystalized ginger was too sweet, but that it was the only thing that was too sweet in the dish (which he seemed skeptical of when he visited during prep). Angelo starts talking about the dish, saying that he felt close to it, that he made love to it, and rambles for a bit. Bourdain says he has no idea what Angelo’s talking about, but that he loved the dish. Tom says that he liked Kevin’s dish a lot as well, but Bourdain thinks that using a sirloin might have been playing it a little “safe”. The chefs are sent away.

We get more judge’s table as Tom, Padma, Ripert, and Bourdain break everything down. Ed cooked his heart out, and put together a great dish. Ripert thinks Kelly’s dish was the best, but the originality of it is questioned. Angelo’s dish was great, but Tom can’t get over the crystalized ginger. Kevin really paid attention to what the astronauts were asking for more than any of the other contestants, but Bourdain is irked about the use of the sirloin – you’re on Top Chef and you’re using sirloin? Ripert hated the pea shoots in Tiffany’s dish, and think they killed the flavor the dish was trying to convey. Tom, frustrated, says that we’re splitting hairs nitpicking at these dishes, since they were all very good. We break.

Coming back, and the five are at the judge’s table again. To says it was a tough call, and there was a lot of good food. Bourdain picks the winner – and it’s Angelo. Not only does he get the win AND a new Toyota Avalon, but he also gets Bourdain’s new book! Angelo heads back to the Dungeon Basement with the keys to the car, drops down to his knees and thanks Jesus, clutching Bourdain’s book to his chest – a very surreal moment.

However, that means that one of the remaining four is going home. Tom says he wishes they could take five, but they can only take four. They were left with a really difficult decision, and Padma tells Tiffany to pack her knives. She thanks the judges and tries to keep a brave face, getting hugs from the rest of the chefs (except Angelo, who was sent to the dungeon earlier). Once Tiffany is gone, the other judges celebrate surviving the round and their impending trip to Singapore. Tiffany enters the Dungeon to find Angelo who looks behind her and asks her who was eliminated; she says it was her and Angelo doesn’t believe it at first, and gives an awkward hug as Tiffany breaks down. Angelo still seems in shock but becomes more comforting as the closing sequences are played, with Tiffany talking over them, her voice cracking as she does. Her final words as the show closes are possibly the most heart-wrenching: “So close.”

One of the best episodes of the season, easily because it was so well matched. People are pissed that Tiffany is going home, and while I understand how bad it sucks, there was zero room for error this episode, and those mussels (or according to Eric Ripert, those pea shoots) were the difference. No one else had more than one thing that was considered a negative with their dish; Tiffany’s arguable had two – the bitterness from the skin being left on the peppers, and the pea shoots. While Tiffany had made herself a strong favorite in the second half of the season, it isn’t a cumulative score, and all it takes is one mistake to send you home.

NEXT WEEK: Where the hell is Michael Fay anyway? Is he still over there?

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