Tales of a Comic Book Virgin: Issue 2

Issue 2: In which our tentative heroine decides that Batman needs to go to his happy place and all Hal Jordan needs is a good shrink.

So, not being one to procrastinate (or let anything sit unread for too long if I can help it), I settled in for some bedtime reading with “Green Lantern: Rebirth” the evening of my inaugural comic book store trip. I chose Green Lantern as a nice introduction to the superhero world because I figured some background would be nice for when the movie (reportedly) comes out next year—in spite of having no comic book knowledge, I love movies based on comic book characters. Go figure. I chose “Rebirth” because the fairy godmother of comic books deemed it the intro least likely to result in me heading for the nearest bottle of Tylenol with a confusion-induced migraine.

And I have to say, she was right. Obviously I have no frame of reference as far as comic book writers go, but I immediately became a fan of Geoff Johns’ style. He seems to be one of those rare types who has no problem shifting temporal perspectives within a story. This is a difficult feat to accomplish in the world of novels; I can’t imagine how much more difficult it must be with far fewer words and a whole lot of artwork to incorporate. There was some serious background-telling going on, and I was able to follow it all—and, as a result, by the time I turned the final page I felt like I’d gotten the gist of all of Hal Jordan’s history as a Green Lantern. 

Which, by the by, elicited the following Twitter reaction from me as I was reading: “What I’ve learned so far about Green Lantern: Hal Jordan needs a psychiatrist, STAT.” Good grief! Parallax? the Spectre? I know it’s like a comic book law that you have to make your heroes as miserable as possible, but did you have to give the dude multiple personality disorder on top of everything else? Didn’t his hometown get blown up? Didn’t he die to save the planet? Give the guy a break! If I were Hal, all soul-displaced and physically dead and everything, the last thing I’d want is to be possessed by God’s Spirit of Vengeance. Now that Hal’s back and un-possessed, I think he should get a vacation. Let someone else protect Earth for a bit and send the guy to Rio.

Speaking of protecting Earth, imagine my surprise when all these other comic book characters starting infiltrating my Green Lantern story. What in the world did Batman have to do with anything? Or Wonder Woman? Apparently, they’re all in this superhero mess together, living in the same universe. It makes sense, now that I think about it, but I was always under the impression that they were all dealing out justice in their own worlds. It never occurred to me that they might all get together for coffee or whatever in the Justice League Watchtower.

Or, you know, if they’re not into coffee, they just stand around looking all dark and being all snippy. Which brings me to my next tweet while I was reading: “What I’ve learned so far about the Justice League: Batman is kind of a jerk.” By the end of my reading I’d revised that sentiment, and have decided that I’m really, really glad they play him a little lighter in the movies—or, at least, don’t let him interact with anyone else in the DC universe. ‘Cause as far as the Justice League goes, I’m baffled as to why any of them listen to this moody, broody jackass in a silly cape and helmet and absolutely no super powers whatsoever. He’s a nasty piece of work, at least compared to the tortured Batman I have built in my head from years of cartoons and movies. If I were a member of the JL, and had some rockin’ powers on my side, I’d tell Batman to take a hike to his happy place and not come back until he could play nice with the other superheroes. Maybe he can go to Rio. What kind of vacation benefits plan does the JL have?

But maybe he was just having a bad day, dealing with Hal’s multiple personality disorder and all. I’m sure he’s a lovely man in all the other comics.

As I closed my very first comic, happy for Hal’s reinstatement to the Green Lanterns even though I never knew he was kicked out to begin with, I realized I was intrigued. Whispers of a heretofore unknown inner comic book geek were making themselves heard. And so my adventure continues…

Similar Posts:

• Tales of a Comic Book Virgin: Issue 4
• Tales of a Comic Book Virgin: Issue 3
• DC Comics Reboot in September?
• So you want to read Green Lantern comics…
• Tales of A Comic Book Virgin: Issue 6
• Hypothetical Studio: Justice League Movie
• San Diego Comic Con: A Look Back (Part 3)

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