We start off in crisis mode. A satellite has gone Red Alert, and taken the internet with it. OMG! That means Twitter is down. People are going to have to speak face-to-face. NO! Joan’s prepared for mourning the loss of the ‘net, however, in her slinky black dress. Yummy. Apparently it’s knocked the entire grid off, making the already congested DC traffic even worse. I know firsthand how bad that can be. To this day I can’t talk about the Constitution Avenue Jam of ’97 without tearing up. The scars…they still burn.
Internet’s out at Danielle’s, too, which is a problem because she’s trying to set up a website for her new catering business. Annie walks into the kitchen and immediately grabs a bagel and shoves it in her mouth. Not seen: Piper Perabo spitting all those carbs out into the chuck bucket when the director yells, “Cut!” Danielle’s frustrated because she was trying to take pictures of all those evil starches, and now she can’t get them to upload. Annie chastises her need for instant gratification, but Danielle is worried that she won’t be able to keep up with all of the other Mommies Who Work Part Time and be able to help out with Michael unemployed. Annie says, “He knows you’re trying,” as if that’s supposed to help. He’s the one with the doctorate. Granted, that makes him just like everyone else in DC, but whatever.
Still not helping, Annie suggests that the next time Danielle makes orange juice, she use fresh squeezed instead of concentrate. Why? Will it photograph better? She didn’t make it for you, Annie. When Danielle tosses a napkin at Annie, it pushes Annie into “the perfect light” and Danielle snaps a bunch of photos of Annie with her mouthful. You know, before she vomits it all back up. Just then, Chloe comes in to whine that “Elmo went away.” They all turn to see that the TV has turned to snow. I know this is used to show that the cable is out, but that was with analog signals. Digital TV just goes dark. Not that this is important.
Cut to another static filled TV set somewhere else. A black skirt walks by, and we pan up to a matching black bra, covering up the ample breastage of…Liza Hearn. Excuse me while I pause and rewind this a couple of times. Liza calls out to someone that the cable is out, while she parades around the place picking up pieces of her clothing. She comments out loud that the rest of the civilized world went High Def a few years back (and Thank God, because I don’t want to see half-naked Liza in 480), and the camera whips around to…
AUGGIE! (Who is equally shirtless, and quite ripped too. Wow. You ladies can thank me in the comments section for the picture, okay?) Auggie says he “never claimed to be civilized” and HD is kind of useless to him anyway. Liza says she wants to watch herself on “Charlie Rose” in 1080p, like she was reading my mind. She walks up and starts kissing Auggie’s back, right where he has a tattoo of a sword through two arrows, which I have to presume is some Special Forces thing. Auggie figures that will happen right around the time he’s on trial for espionage. So Auggie’s the leak after all, huh? Doubtful, but let’s play along, okay?
Liza says Auggie’s silly, and that he’s not the only person she knows at the CIA, just the only one she’s sleeping with. Auggie tries to find out who her sources are, and then double entendres into giving Liza a source of his own as he unzips her skirt and throws her on the bed. Liza wonders if he’ll be late to work, and he says he’ll call in, but when the phone isn’t working his Spidey Sense tingles that something is wrong. Um, dude…that’s not Spidey Sense. That’s Liza’s hand up your bath towel. Auggie gets up to go, and leaves Liza, in her underwear, blue-vag’d on the bed. (You guys can also thank me in the comments section for the picture.)
DPD. Auggie is explaining to Joan what she already knows, and she’s humoring him. Auggie keeps on, however, stating that the DataTech Conference is starting today, and that this had to be the work of some hacker auditioning for a gig. Joan says that there’s a briefing in 10 minutes, and Signals Intelligence is running point. “I’m going in?” asks Auggie. “You’re going in.” responds Joan.
“Bullshit!” yells Liza Hearn, still in Auggie’s bed, dealing with matters on her own.
Hallway. Stupid Jai-Jay/Annie flirting. Something about the color blue. I really don’t care. Inside, Auggie’s all excited about the briefing, and about getting to go to DataTech. Annie’s all “Data Whuh?” and Jai-Jay explains that it’s a conference about data security. Annie’s still not getting it (while I roll my eyes clear back into my skull), and Jai-Jay says, “It’s like ComiCon for Nerds.” Annie draws my ire further by saying, “Isn’t that just ComiCon.” Shut up, Annie. Jai-Jay thinks that’s funny, because he’s a douchebag and wants in Annie’s pants. Auggie, like me, is not amused.
Jai-Jay gets serious, and explains that DataTech is where all of the Hackers and Feds get together once a year to compare notes. In many cases, the hackers get hired as consultants. It’s like Sneakers only without the star power of Robert Redford and Sidney Poitier. It was also Auggie’s original NOC, which is why he’s being a “dork,” according to Jai-Jay.
In the briefing, Joan blah blahs about the cyber attack that morning, adding that it was reminiscent of a similar attack in 2007 that targeted the Pentagon, but this time highlighted a flaw that they didn’t account for (but should have). A poorly bearded agent continues that the Pentagon believes that today’s hack could make certain government servers easy targets. Annie questions their jurisdiction, and Joan clarifies that Cyber Crime is the FBI’s problem; Cyber Terrorism belongs to the CIA. So who did it? Joan says they think it’s someone familiar. The foreshadowing music kicks in as the file and picture of a pretty girl is flashed on the screens. Jai-Jay just wows and gives Auggie a verbal nudge, just as Auggie is fingering – braille, you pervs – the report in disbelief.
“Natasha Petrovna appears to be behind the attack,” Joan tells us. Auggie is bewildered, and Annie wonders why. Auggie explains that Natasha is his ex-girlfriend as we whoosh into the credits.
When we return, Joan is reading off Natasha’s credentials, saying that she is now part of the Swedish-funded “Pirate Bureau.” Arrrrrrr! Jai-Jay whispers to Auggie that she’s a “card-carrying Anarchist.” Aside from being a dick, I think he’s wrong. Most anarchists don’t carry cards. Agent Beard exposits that Natasha was busted for hacking into the Department of Agriculture, which Auggie defends as a firewall hack demonstration, but Agent Beard say that the Justice Department didn’t see it that way. Natasha did a two-year bit at Danbury Women’s Correctional over it. Jai-Jay douches that Martha Stewart did her sentence there, too. He would know that. Agent Beard claims that this morning’s hack was “Classic Petrovna” and Joan says that Auggie’s going to DataTech to find Natasha and negotiate a consulting deal with her, up to $2 million. Damn. Auggie says that Natasha isn’t a fan of the government (her father was a political prisoner under Brezhnev), and any trying to buy her off will only make her more intent to carry out her deeds. Joan still thinks it will work, and assigns Annie to be Auggies eyes at DataTech.
Auggie’s not hip to this jive, however, because it means blowing his cover. Joan says there’s no other option, and that Auggie needs to suck it up for the company, and because they really need to have this tech of Natasha’s out of the hands of others.
More flirting between Annie and Jai-Jay about pictures on the internet, only Jai-Jay wasn’t actually flirting. Someone flagged Danielle’s website with Annie’s face all over it, and Annie’s going to have to put a stop to it. Then Jai-Jay flirts, because making women mad gets him hot. Annie and Auggie are out of there, because Auggie needs to go home and change.
Auggie’s Swinging Pad. He’s changing shirts, while Annie asks about the seriousness of Natasha. Auggie says they had fun, and Annie smooths that he’s the “Good Time Guy” as she plays with one of Liza’s stockings she found near the window. She also mocks the Scrabble board, but Auggie says that he’s playing an internet game with a girl from Brazil, he thinks. I suppose Words with Friends would be difficult for Auggie, huh? Auggie comes out of the bedroom – and Annie notices his disheveled bed – wearing a “1up” t-shirt which causes Annie to make a joke about it being from 1986 or something. Like she wasn’t playing “Call of Duty” at the Farm? Please. I’m not going to stand for this Geek Mocking. My People are better than that.
DataTech. Auggie is giving Annie the bullet points for “Identifying Hackers for Dummies.” Just regular hackers wear t-shirts and smell bad. Employable hackers work as security consultants in collared shirts, which are short-sleeved to show off their anti-establishment tattoos. Blue Jackets and Khakis are law enforcement, as if their non-subtle ear pieces and wrist mics weren’t making that obvious. “What about $1000 suits and silk ties?” Annie asks. Those would be the Europeans, according to Auggie. This is all kind of dumb and stereotyping, isn’t it? We see the two Europeans standing at a table, tiny little espresso cups in their hands. All I can say is, they got nothing on Hans Gruber. NOTHING. We’ll be seeing these two again.
A&A enter a panel room where an FBI agent is moderating, and a couple of well-known hackers are at the table. Annie marvels at the fact that criminals just exist here, and Auggie explains that they thrive in this environment. Seriously, Annie…do you not watch “White Collar” at all? It’s on right before you. It takes a thief, they say. Jeez. Eventually, the moderator opens the panel up for questions, and wouldn’t you know it? Natasha is next up to the microphone. She jibber-jabbers in a sexy accent about some tech thing or another, while Auggie looks like his breakfast burrito is repeating on him.
After the panel, A&A are keeping an eye on Natasha, who is in a heated discussion with The Europeans. Auggie figures that they, too, are offering her all the finest meats and cheeses in the land for her hacker tech, and Annie thinks they should change their strategies. Is Annie far enough along to be able to call an audible like that? Anyway, Auggie agrees, and when Natasha walks past he calls out for her. Natasha turns, mouth agape. She looks Auggie straight in the eye, and hauls off a SLAP! that even I could feel. Ouch. Auggie says he “didn’t see that coming.” Natasha doesn’t think that’s funny, and Auggie explains to her that he is now blind. Several emotions cross Natasha’s face, and she apologizes. Auggie takes the blame for burying the lead. He’s been sleeping with a reporter for too long.
Natasha’s back to Angry now, saying that she waited for Auggie at Kincaid’s and he never showed up. Two days later, she’s arrested by the FBI. Auggie says he can explain, but Natasha’s not interested. She starts to walk away, but Auggie grabs “Tosh” by the arm, and says he knows she pulled off the hack today and that he wants in.
Outside the convention center, Natasha asks if Annie is “[Auggie’s] seeing eye dog?” *snort* +1 to Natasha. Auggie introduces Annie as his “business partner” and Natasha tells Annie not to be fooled. Auggie’s a good hacker, but a bad boyfriend. Annie assures Natasha that the partnership is strictly professional. “What kind of professional?” Natasha asks, not having seen the episode where Annie played a hooker. Auggie says that they can professionally pay Natasha $2 million dollars. Yes, but can they throw in a shark with a friggin’ laser beam on its head? Natasha knows that Auggie knows that she isn’t interested in the money, and says that Auggie’s company can have the code tomorrow at noon, same as everyone else, when she releases it to the public. Natasha thinks that no one organization should hold all of the keys to security, any more than there should be monopolies on oil or food. Auggie thinks “Tosh” is being simplistic, and that there are really bad people out there who want to destabilize, well, everything.
Natasha counters that she’ll turn over her code when Auggie’s company releases all of its copyrights. Auggie begins to explain that his company isn’t a company; it’s The Company. Annie shows some sympathy for what Auggie’s about to do, and walks away. Maybe she was expecting Natasha to slap Auggie again. She doesn’t. She simply walks off.
On the drive back to Langley, Auggie tells us the Story of Natasha. Four years ago, Auggie was establishing his NOC cred and talking tech to random people, and when he was in a Laundromat in Adams-Morgan, he spotted Natasha. She was reading “Snow Crash” and they shared a frozen yogurt and then sang a song and…no. Wait. That’s Dr. Horrible. They dated for a little over a year, and Annie finishes that “[Auggie] broke her heart.” He didn’t want to. He loved her, but you gotta do what the Agency tells you, and they told Auggie to get out of the way of an FBI sting. He abandoned her, when all he wanted to do was protect her. Sad music.
DPD. Annie tells Joan that Natasha was unresponsive, while Auggie says it was an “Epic Fail” because Natasha hates him. Annie’s all, she does not. You don’t bitch-slap someone you don’t care about. This is all very grade-school all of a sudden. I’m going to wait for Auggie to write a mash note or something, which he could do if he could find his desk. Seems Agent Beard has moved a couple of things, so now Auggie is tripping over chairs. This reminds me of several ‘Helen Keller’ jokes I won’t repeat here. Annie tells Joan that Natasha is planning on releasing the hack to the conference, and then Agent Beard states the obvious while shoving chips in his mouth. Shut up, Agent Beard. Joan tells Auggie that he’s going back tomorrow, and Auggie gets all emo about it, so Joan kicks Annie and the Beard (“A new sitcom this fall from the same people that brought you ‘Will & Grace’!”) out of the room. Joan tells Auggie that if he still loves Natasha, then this is all for her own good. Auggie reluctantly agrees, and when Joan leaves him, he fights with a stray soda can that Agent Beard left behind.
Back at the house, Annie arrives home from work to find a whole new food spread out, and Danielle remarks that Annie looks stressed. Annie confirms this, but Danielle doesn’t get what’s so stressful about working at a museum. Annie says it’s not the work, it’s the people, and begins to get Danielle’s advice about Auggie while blurring some of the details. Annie knows Auggie’s sleeping with someone, but he won’t say who, and now his ex is in the picture, making things even more complicated. Danielle thinks Annie is jealous, but Annie claims she’s just concerned. “You know how you think you know someone, and then you find out they have this whole other life?” Annie metas. Danielle shoots her a weird look, and Annie realizes what she’s said, and covers by eating mouthfuls of a pasta salad, which – like the bagel earlier – I’m sure she never actually ingested. Danielle has stopped caring about the other thing, because Annie likes her salad. When Danielle shows off the website, though, Annie drops the photo bomb, claiming she wants her co-workers to think she’s professional. Danielle takes umbrage at her website (and her dream) being unprofessional, and does the grand gesture of deleting the whole thing instead of just the pictures. I’d call her on it, but I’ve been known to go Scorched Earth on things like that too.
The next morning, Annie goes to pick up Auggie, who is almost ready. Annie had a bad night, so she hopes that Auggie can cheer her up. BECAUSE IT’S ALL ABOUT HER. I wish the show wouldn’t go back and forth on Annie’s personality like this. While Annie grabs a cup of coffee, Auggie’s phone rings with the voice from the audible caller ID. It’s Liza Hearn calling. Oops. Auggie tries to play it off as a mistake, but can’t resist the power of the Annie Glare, and cops to copping Liza regularly. Annie’s all “LEAK!” but Auggie tells her that he’s running an op on Liza, to try and get her sources out of her. So he happens to get a little sumpin’-sumpin’ while he’s at it. Big deal. This is where a male agent would be high-fiving Auggie, but Annie’s all female and unimpressed. She’s going to tattle to Mommy, but Auggie says that Joan can’t know until he has solid evidence (and not just in his pants). Annie says that Joan has to know, and Auggie comes back with, “Why? So she can give it to Jai-Jay?”
Annie tries to talk about it on Auggie’s level, and tells him that “James Bond was a lonely, sad old man.” Auggie’s all watchu-talkin-bout, Annie? Seriously, Annie, what are you talking about? The only Bond that got anywhere near sad was Daniel Craig, and I bet he’d put you out if you called him old to his face. Also, can was stop talking about James Bond in the past tense? I’m still holding out hope that the franchise can be salvaged before Daniel Craig actually does get old. Annie puts on her Righteous Indignation Cap, and scolds Auggie for being the type of guy who would exploit a woman for information. Oh, Annie. Spare me the touchy-feely shit. This is Spy vs. Spy. You dress up, you flirt, you use bombs as boobs, and you blow the other guy up. This isn’t Daisy’s soccer team, where they all get stickers and orange slices and trophies just for showing up – and don’t get me started on that rant – this is Adult Dirty Work. You really learned nothing from Carlos, did you? Auggie agrees with me, and reminds Annie of Natasha, and what he has to do there, which she’s totally on board with, bee tee dubs.
Street Café. Auggie is scoping out the seating arrangement when Natasha walks up, wondering where the “All-Seeing CIA” is. Auggie shows her his lapel mic, and we see Annie and Jai-Jay sitting at a table across the street. Natasha turns and sees them too, and Annie waves. Natasha waves back and earns my undying affection when she says something in Russian that sounds like “idiot” which makes Annie wince. It even makes Jai-Jay laugh a little. Auggie tells Natasha that she has no reason to trust him, but that he never wanted to break up with her. “The CIA made me do it.” Natasha has no sympathy for this, and isn’t buying it either. Auggie explains that he nearly quit over it, and when it was all done all he could do was get as far away as possible – in this case, Iraq – and he wound up blind.
Annie gets all sappy and says to Jai-Jay that they shouldn’t be listening to this. Jai-Jay says that Auggie may be a friend, but today he’s an op. Besides, Auggie could be lying, and either way, he knows they’re there. Seriously…they need to get Annie one personality, and stick with it. This wishy-washy Sesame Street side of her is just unbecoming a spy of her alleged smarts and talents. Not to mention the fact that she claims to be a hardened woman, burned by love.
Annie sees “Blue Blazers and Khakis” closing in. They give Auggie the heads-up, and he in turn warns Natasha that as long as she stays with him, she’s safe but if she walks away, he can’t help her. Natasha starts to get mad, but then a big SUV comes barreling down the street, and almost mows down Auggie and Natasha, but they jump to safety just in time. While the FBI fires shots at the car, Annie and Jai-Jay run over to help Auggie. Natasha? Splitsville. LK-753G, in case anyone asks if anyone else got the license plate of that truck.
Also, Annie here says, “Auggie, are you okay.” It’s just not the same, show. I will have my Smooth Criminal moment. Oh yes, I will. Even if I have to get hired onto the writing staff to make it happen my own self.
DPD. Joan wants to know what we know, and Agent Beard says that the SUV was found abandoned at a bus station about a mile from the café. Traffic cameras got a shot of the occupants. It’s The Europeans, who Agent Beard identifies as Alexander Markov and Yuri Trecha, career bad guys with ties to the RBN Crime Syndicate. Since organized crime is the FBI’s wheelhouse, Joan calls the game on account of improper authority and tells everyone to bundle up the work and send it to Quantico. Auggie’s worried about Natasha, who he told would be protected, but Joan claims that the FBI is already stating that the CIA was interfering, and that it’s their case now. Auggie is not happy.
Auggie goes home, and finds Natasha in his apartment. Natasha advises Auggie that he really should change his locks from time to time, as the key she had still works. Natasha wants to know if it was the CIA who tried to run them over, but when Auggie explains that it was the Russian Mob, she gets it. When she was in college, these guys came to her with lots of money to have her do little jobs at first, but then paid her for bigger and bigger things, and now they think they own a piece of everything, including her hack code. Natasha says that they threatened to kill her if she didn’t give it to them. Auggie says that the CIA can protect her, but Natasha knows that they want the code as badly as the Russians do. Natasha says that trust doesn’t come easy, but Auggie figures that she’s there because she trusts him.
DPD. Auggie’s not at work the next day. Annie’s worried, so she and Jai-Jay go to Auggie’s place. He’s not there, but his ID, phone and keys are on the counter. Annie finds Natasha’s scarf on the chair.
Auggie’s on a train (motherfucker), take a look at him. Is it a warm summer’s evening, on a train bound for nowhere? Is he signing the B Movie Box Car Blues? Maybe he’s driving that train, high on cocaine. Going off the rails on a crazy train? Runaway train, never going back? Sorry. My internal jukebox just exploded. Natasha thinks the train is annoying, but Auggie seems to remember them having some fun on a train once. Only they weren’t, you know, on the lam then.
Jai-Jay is calling into Joan about Auggie’s disappearance. Agent Beard attempts to track Auggie’s cell, but Jai-Jay’s holding it in his hand. As Jai-Jay explains that they won’t find Auggie unless he wants them too, Annie finds the backing to a pre-paid credit card under Auggie’s scrabble board. After confirming that DHS flags all cash payments for transit, Annie wants to know if any stores near Auggie’s place activated a burner card last night. Sure enough, two of them were activated at the Gas-N-Sip nearby, and one was used to buy passage on an Amtrak to Montreal this morning.
The Gas-N-Sip? Really? Great. I have to go watch Say Anything… now. By choice, man!
Auggie and Natasha enter the dining car, and Auggie wants to find a passenger with a Nexus Card. They sit down and bicker over the hack code some more until they hear some man order back bacon, eh. They figure the man and his lady to be Canadians, and walk up to the table under pretense of conducting a travel survey. Natasha lifts the man’s wallet out of his coat, and not smoothly, either. Still, the unwitting Canadians miss it, and Auggie and Natasha are off with their Nexus Cards.
The train stewards call “Next stop, Albany.” Back at the DPD, Joan says that the FBI will stop the train in Albany. Well, awfully convenient that it’s on the way there already, then, isn’t it? Annie and Jai-Jay argue over Auggie’s intentions, only now Annie thinks Auggie’s doing the right thing and leaving breadcrumbs while Jai-Jay thinks Auggie is running and aiding a known criminal. This is sort of the opposite from what they were each saying before because these two cannot agree with each other even if it means reversing their positions every five minutes. Joan correctly uses “regardless” and tells the kids that they need to get to Auggie before the FBI does, and orders Annie and Jai-Jay to the airfield.
We cut to the airfield, and get a stylish low light shot of Annie and Jai-Jay walking towards a private plane. This seemed really out of place, especially with the generic funk music that accompanied it.
In Albany, or at least a field outside of Albany, the FBI is pulling passengers off the train. One of them is complaining about his Nexus Card going missing. The same FBI agent that was moderating the DataTech panel is there, grimacing and badmouthing the CIA. Another train wooshes by the scene (waaaaaaay too close to the scene, as it almost plows over half a dozen agents), and wouldn’t you know it? Auggie and Natasha are on board.
Let me guess, Devil. The elevator was Bruce Willis the whole time, right? M. Knight Shamalamadingdong needs to go away.
Auggie and Natasha very proud of themselves and Auggie explains that the Nexus Cards have a flaw in their encryption. Something about sequential something-or other, and Natasha says all she has to do is [technobabble], and now Auggie’s all warm for her form. Natasha goes about her work, and asks Auggie how he knew to switch trains. Auggie says that protocols make people predictable. Natasha says that Auggie used to be predictable, and asks him what happened. Auggie says, “Something unpredictable,” and winks a blind eye. That? Big Block of Cheeeeeeeeese. Speaking of cheese, Natasha takes Auggie’s photo for the Nexus Fraud, and boy it is bad.
Auggie starts to make a move, and Natasha backs off. She still doesn’t believe that the CIA made Auggie break up with her. Auggie offers to show her the memo, and Natasha says it was probably written after the fact, which the look on Auggie’s face doesn’t deny. Auggie starts going off about how she didn’t want to live in DC, or start a family, or blah blah blah SEX! They get it on. Oh, and Auggie tells Natasha he loves her. He should probably get a couple of the moles on his back looked at, too.
On the private jet, Annie’s luxuriating in the swankiness wondering why they don’t travel in style more often. Jai-Jay explains that their title isn’t director, and if they don’t find Auggie they’ll likely be walking home. A fax comes into the plane stating that Auggie and Natasha weren’t on the train. This upsets Annie. Jai-Jay says, “I know what you’re thinking. I’m an asshole for not trusting Auggie.” No. I think you’re an asshole in general. Not trusting Auggie just goes with the job. Annie, however, is on board with what Jai-Jay said.
Jai-Jay agrees with me, and says that he likes Auggie, but he cannot put personal feelings before analysis. If he did, and was wrong then he’d – “I know I’m right,” Annie interrupts, whipping her snotty little head towards the window. Damn. Who’s the asshole now? It isn’t Jai-Jay, and that hurts me to type. Jai-Jay then attempts to play out the “Annie’s Right” scenario, saying that even if Auggie is working Natasha (and boy, is he ever; wokka-wokka) then it’s a severe breach of protocol. You can see the light bulb go off on Annie’s halo, as she suddenly remembers the travel rules: be unpredictable. Annie also remembers, out of nowhere, that the Amtrak splits in Albany, and the second train goes to Toronto. She then sits back in her seat, all smug and smirky, saying that they must be on the other train. Then she looks Jai-Jay in the eye and snots, “Do you trust me?” Jai-Jay says he’ll go talk to the pilot.
First of all, Annie has these weird train schedules memorized, so she must be some weird RainWoman or something, right? Yet, she still has no idea about DataTech, or about the concept of using hackers to solve cyber crimes? Secondly, taking the second train out of a station that only has two trains isn’t unpredictable. It’s obvious. Unpredictable would have been if Elvis Presley had picked Auggie and Natasha up, driven them to Buffalo, and then all three of them a tandem bicycle to Cleveland. Annie isn’t as smart as she thinks she is, and everyone enables this behavior.
Cut to the US/Canadian border where Annie and Jai-Jay are getting on the train. Shirtless Auggie is at their cabin door, getting the Nexus Cards swiped (not a euphemism). He and Natasha start to make out again while Annie and Jai-Jay search the train. There’s a knock on the cabin door, and when Natasha gets up to answer, we find out that it’s The Europeans. One of them grabs Natasha while the other struggles with Auggie. A gun falls to the floor. Auggie knocks his guy of them out with the upper bunk, but is then overtaken by the other guy. Auggie’s losing this fight until he tells Natasha to turn out the lights (so the bad guy can’t see what to shoot at, I suppose). Then he becomes Matt Murdock and starts working his guy over a little. The gun fires a bullet through the cabin window, and we cut to Annie and Jai-Jay hearing the shot ring out.
Auggie continues to struggle, but somehow manages to toss the guy out the window, the glass weakened by the bullet. Dasvidaniya, Dude. Annie and Jai-Jay are still running through the train. Auggie tells “Tosh” to get dressed, because it’s time to get off the train. They’re going to jump when the train slows down at Niagra Falls, because that’s when Auggie figures the FBI will jump on. Sure enough, the authorities are all over outside. Natasha tells Auggie that she can take it from here, but Auggie does not want to abandon her again. Natasha asks if he’d still feel that way if she didn’t have the code, and Auggie says he would. This is the correct answer, so Natasha places the drive with the code in Auggie’s hand, kisses him, says “I love you, Auggie,” and bails without him. Auggie calls after her, and she looks back at him, before taking off through the woods. She’ll be back, I’m sure.
Annie and Jai-Jay finally catch up with Auggie. Jai-Jay asks where Natasha is, and Auggie says not to worry. He got the hack, and hands the drive to Jai-Jay. Annie turns and gives Jai-Jay an “I told you” and to his credit, he doesn’t toss her out the door. Train stopped anyway, so it wouldn’t have been as exciting. The moderator FBI agent shows up asking about the girl. Auggie says he didn’t see her. The CIA laughs; the FBI scoffs. All in a day’s work, right Sam? Right, Ralph.
DPD. Auggie is apologizing to Joan, and saying that as much as he’d like her to think he was working Natasha like an asset, he was really doesn’t know why he was doing it. Joan says that sometimes the emotions you have to work are your own, and Auggie asks if that was a compliment. Joan says it was, but then balances it with a threat about never doing something like that again. Joan asks Auggie if he’s heard from Natasha, and Auggie figures he won’t hear from her ever again. Until maybe next season, anyway.
Auggie goes to his office, where Annie is waiting. Annie asks if it was worth it, and Auggie smiles and says that he’s ready for fieldwork after all. “Speaking of which…” Annie alludes, and Auggie’s picking up what she’s putting down, figuring this to be about Liza Hearn. Just an op, Annie. Just an op. He’ll get the info, he’ll break it off, and he’ll turn it all over to Joan, “okay?” Annie judgmentally says that “it’s okay with [her] if it’s okay with [him],” tugs at his coat collar, and leaves his office telling Auggie that she trusts him.
Back at home, Danielle is opening a gift from Annie: a new fancy digital camera and an apology note. Danielle is, of course, sated by this material gift and tells Annie she’s the best sister ever. Annie then begins to take pictures of Danielle and Daisy eating cupcakes, for the website.
Auggie returns to his apartment, looking sad. Close up on his face, eyes red from exhaustion and tears, as the hand of Liza Hearn slides over his shoulder to welcome him home. Auggie looks legitimately torn, like history is repeating itself, as Liza rests her head on his back.
NEXT WEEK: Annie’s in handcuffs! I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for it, too.
See you in Seven!