After a week off due to NetFlix shipping snafus – sorry – we’re back. This week: Fallen Angels, Scheming Co-Eds, and Meddling Kids…
♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
LEGION (2010)
Written by Peter Schink and Scott Charles Stewart
Directed by Scott Charles Stewart
Bold Films/Sony Entertainment
”I don’t believe in God.”
“That’s just fine, Bob. He doesn’t believe in you either. He doesn’t believe in any of this anymore.”
I think what I liked most about this movie is that it didn’t preach, when it very clearly could have. In fact, lesser movies would have.
It seems that God is done with us again, only instead of sending a flood, or a prophet, He is raining down His angels in the form of pestilence. However, Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) is on our side, and comes down to Earth to help protect the unborn child who will save us all. There’s a pretty solid Joseph and Mary parallel here, but again, the movie doesn’t beat you over the head with it.
It sounds hokey, but it was a sturdy piece of cinema, with just enough theology to inform you of the overall thesis, but not so much that you feel like you’re trapped in a Bible study somewhere.
The unborn child belongs to a girl named Charlie (Adrianne Palicki), who is a waitress at a roadside diner in the one-horse Nevada town appropriately named Paradise Falls. With her is her boss, Bob Hanson (Dennis Quaid), his son, Jeep (Lucas Black, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift), and a cast of others that gives the movie the feel of a good Stephen King novel – think “Trucks” or “Desperation” or even “Needful Things.”
And the creepy little kid? Awesome.
The VFX in this film were great, and it helps that the director started out in that field. I didn’t find any fault with the performances, and I especially enjoyed Kevin Durand (Martin Keamy, “Lost”) as Gabriel. Plenty of good action, a few yee-haw moments, and a solid story of an apocalypse…what more could you want?
Elwood Says: 3½ Antenna Adjustments out of 5.
♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
WILD THINGS: FOURSOME (2010)
Written by Howard Zemski and Monty Featherstone
Directed by Andy Hurst
Stage 6 Films
”It’s his birthright. He doesn’t want a couple of silly swamp girls to get their hands on it.”
I have to blame Dale a little bit for this film, because of his recent review of Bikini Girls on Ice, and our mutual wonder at the lack of decent T&A films these days. So when I saw this movie on the racks in Best Buy last week, I shot it to the top of my queue to see how this direct-to-video sequel held up to the original cult classic. It will shock you, I’m sure, to know that it didn’t.
The plot is ridiculous, as rich kid Carson and his girlfriend Rachel plot to get their hands on Carson’s father’s money after his suspicious death. There are rape allegations, boat races, John Schneider as the investigating detective, and not quite enough soft-core porn for an “unrated” cut.
The franchise has come a long way from Denise Richards, Neve Campbell, and Kevin Bacon, and the crosses, double-crosses, triple-crosses, guards, turns, parries, dodges, spins, and (HA!) thrusts are all way too telegraphed. The acting is sub-par, and I’m still trying to figure out why John Schneider would lower himself to a film like this. Bo Duke deserves better.
This movie is good for a laugh or two, but unless you’re dying of curiosity or just need something to watch with a group of drunken friends, you can pass on this.
Elwood Says: 2 Donzi Speed Boats out of 5.
♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
MYSTERY TEAM (2009)
Story by Dan Eckman, Dominic Dierkes, Donald Glover, Meggie McFadden, and D.C. Pierson
Screenplay by Dominic Dierkes, Donald Glover, and D.C. Pierson
Directed by Dan Eckman
Derrick Comedy Productions
”If any teachers ask where Eric went, tell them three grownups took him off the playground to teach him a lesson about sticking his fingers in things.”
Here’s another one that Dale covered a couple of months back. Maybe because it was late at night, or because it followed the previous film, but I thought this movie was hilarious.
Jason, Duncan, and Charlie make up the titular Mystery Team – three recent high school graduates who are still running the neighborhood detective agency they started as kids. They are all in various stages of arrested development, and when they get caught up in a real murder investigation, they go about it in their usual way – with unusual results.
I loved the mix of Scooby Doo cartoon antics, and the real world/TV character isolation dichotomy that the Brady Bunch movies did so well. It does drag in the middle, but the scenes in the strip club and anything involving Jordy the Clerk were worth it.
I don’t have a whole lot to add that Dale didn’t cover already, but I will be trying to work “they stole his face!” into conversation for a while. That callback (one of many in the film) made me laugh for a good three minutes.
Elwood Says: 3 C-Section Scars out of 5.
Similar Posts:
- Cinematic Blues – September 7, 2010
- Cinematic Blues – July 27, 2010
- Cinematic Blues – 5/11/2010
- Cinematic Blues – June 20, 2011
- Cinematic Blues – 5/17/2010
- Cinematic Blues – July 6, 2010
- Cinematic Blues – August 31, 2010
Popularity: 1% [?]
Elwood J. Blues is both an Editor and Author for Pop Bunker. From his listed residence at 1060 West Addison, Elwood spends a great deal of time and effort getting people addicted to comic books at 
I was really torn on whether I wanted to see Legion, but you just convinced me to add it to the Netflix queue. I love a good on-screen angel, and I like Paul Bettany, so hearing that the movie wasn’t [insert anything starring Sam "Killer Tofu" Worthington here] is good enough for me!
Glad you enjoyed Legion. I was all over that movie when it came out in theaters, but I have a thing for angel/biblical good/biblical evil movies. Stigmata, Constantine, Legion…my DVD shelf is full of them!
I was sold on Legion when I saw Paul Bettany as an angel with machine guns. I mean, that’s pretty entertaining all by itself.
I really was pleasantly surprised by Legion. Paul Bettany with machine guns did not disappoint.