I wasn’t going to see Avatar in the theater, after being told repeatedly by friends who know me well that I’d hate it, but when a friend I don’t get to see very often wanted to go, and bought my ticket, I decided to go. Aside from the company of said friend, this was a pretty painful experience for me.
First, there was the physical pain:
- We saw the 3-D IMAX version, and I left feeling queasy and headachey from that much exposure to the medium. Furthermore, the 3-D glasses are really uncomfortable.
- That was a really long movie, and a long time to feel trapped in an uncomfortable movie theater chair.
Then, there was the mental pain:
- I can’t even remember the character’s name, and won’t bother to look it up. I keep thinking of him as “Military Sue,” the bad guy with ambiguous motivation and one-liner dialogue made up entirely of sound bites taken from transcripts of political ads from our previous presidential term. My friend and I could not suppress a bark of incredulous laughter when Military Sue intoned, “Ya gotta fight terror… with terror.”
- Two words: Papyrus subtitles.
- Being spoon-fed philosophies that don’t even quite believe in themselves.
Lastly, there was the emotional pain:
- Senseless violence on both sides, frought with indiscriminate killing and destruction.
- The knowledge that with the artistic talent and budget at the disposal of the makers of this movie… they did that, and that makes me sad.
After all of that, would I watch the movie again? Sure, I will – there just need to be a few slight changes made.
1. Remove the subtitles. First of all, they’re in that awful Papyrus font. Secondly, it’s not like it matters what they’re saying anyway.
2. Mute the volume. Again, the dialogue only serves to decrease my enjoyment of the movie.
3. Cut out all scenes that include any of the following: guns, mech-suits with Bowie knives, hairsex, bloodshed, and any character that isn’t blue. Keep cutting until the total run-time is around 5 minutes.
4. Add soundtrack in the form of Enigma’s Return to Innocence.
Voilá! You have made Avatar into a watchable movie!
Play both at once. You’ll get the idea!
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Being a girl has its perks in this crowd. The Baroness gets to cut in line at geek parties.
I still haven’t seen that movie and I doubt I ever will, mainly because I’ll probably throw up with all the moving shots in the trees and whatnot. (That tiny little clip shown for special effects on the Oscars last night made me severely dizzy.) But kudos to you for suffering for me and letting me know how it turned out.
I have not thought about Enigma in over a DECADE. The reference made me giggle.
And the YouTube mashup you’ve provided here is one of the best that I’ve seen in quite some time.
.-= theletterkae´s last blog ..High School Reunion =-.
The first time I saw conceptual art for AVATAR, I thought of Return to Innocence. So disappointing how it turned out, given my love for that song.
Once I heard a bit more about Avatar’s plot, I didn’t suggest we go see it because I knew that things like the violence alone would be enough for you to dislike it. Sorry that you had to add the physical discomfort onto the rest of it. I still haven’t seen it and am with holding judgment until I do.
.-= Samantha Stoner´s last blog ..The Spoils of War =-.
Understandable. The violence, especially the indiscriminate shooting and maiming, was a bit much for me. Just as well my eyes were watering from the 3-D.
Great analysis that thankfully manages to get beyond the whole “look at the pretty colors” and deafening sound effects. Once you get down to it, there is very little substance that hasn’t already been taught to a 4-year old after a single reading of “Horton Hears a Who” or “Horton Hatches the Egg”. Thanks for a great read!
.-= Geek Shui Living´s last blog ..GeekShui: For the record: MOMUNION (noun) Meeting during which moms tell mom jokes about other moms, who are not in attendance. =-.
Yeah, I kinda thought the people who told me it was just FERNGULLY meets DANCES WITH WOLVES were giving it too much credit.
Agreed. I mean I LOVE Dances with wolves, but even from the previews the linkage…..ya wasnt’ seeing it.
I won’t see this until it’s on DVD anyway, but this commentary solidified that it will be a rental and not a purchase. Can’t really say more until I’ve viewed it. Love this!
Thanks! I can’t wait to see it on Cinematic Blues!
You just summed up my thoughts on this movie nearly spot on. The Baroness strikes!
Glad to have you on the team!
I refuse to see it.
The one thing that gets me it the trailer is the line “You’re not in Kansas anymore!”. Not only is it UNBELIEVABLY cliched, the fact that they are still referencing The Wizard of Oz 150+ years in the future is baffling.
.-= Hollis J. Caveman´s last blog ..Monday, Monday =-.
I don’t so much mind the Oz references still happening, but THAT one, in THAT script was just one more miss.
I’ve heard people talk about how great it is, then also proclaim love for Celine Dion, Dancing With The Stars, and any movie based on a Nicholas Sparks novel. I don’t think us pop culture junkies are the target audience for this. Maybe when we all hit menopause.
I like things that are pretty and stupid, but since I got queasy watching Hancock in a regular theater (the shaky camerawork didn’t help, either–Ha!), I know better than to even drive by an IMAX.
If I had a point to all this, it’s gone now.
Oh my Lord. I typed that this morning, and sort of grabbed whatever “moms like it” reference I could think of. Then this afternoon, no shit, I was privy to a conversation between two middle-aged ladies that lauded both Avatar and Nicholas Sparks. I was really hoping I had been exaggerating, but no.
I just died a little inside.
Just for you!
http://cheezcomixed.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/129053027903090394.jpg
.-= Samantha Stoner´s last blog ..The Spoils of War =-.
COMEDY!