Cinematic Blues – 2/28/10

The following trio of films were this week’s offerings from my Netflix Queue. They ranged from frustrating to fair.

Let’s get started!

MOTHERHOOD

Directed (and written by): Katherine Dieckmann

Elwood Says: 2 Towed Volvos out of 5

“You urban moms are like a case study in liberal hypocrisy…”

Uma Thurman stars in this independent film as Eliza Wench. Mother of 2, Wife of 1, and self-proclaimed “consummate multi-tasker.” This film takes place on the day of her daughter’s 6th birthday party, and is supposed to show us just how put upon and how busy and how unappreciated this Super Mommy is. She cooks, she cleans, she blogs, she does it all. All I wanted to do was shove her down a flight of stairs.

Eliza comes off to me as a complete hypocrite. She is so Type-A that I didn’t believe for a second that she’d want help, or rather have anyone else do her tasks. She’s the only one who can do them, and she’ll complain about it all to get attention from her husband, the other grating mommy stereotypes at the park, the cute delivery boy, whomever. Eliza goes from railing against all of these stereotypes and the expectations on Women and Mothers one minute, to clothes shopping with her girlfriend (Minnie Driver) the next to relax.

There is a scene where she’s riding her husband’s bike to go grocery shopping (this family lives in the West Village of NYC, btw), and as she’s riding home with bags and bags and bags of stuff hanging off everything, you can’t miss that she’s got the HUGE bike lock chain slung over her neck. Plain as day, and symbolic of this woman and her opinion of her self-inflicted role in life.

She would like to go back to work, and write full time for a parenting magazine, and yet at the same time she bitches about how mothers these days read too much about how to be a parent. What?

Eventually her husband (Anthony Edwards) confronts her after she melts down, and tells her to stop “hiding behind irony” and be honest about what she wants. Eliza gets her happy ending only after her husband makes a giant sacrifice to ensure that she can take the writing job. Only when she’s gotten her way does she seem to appreciate just how much all of the other people in her life have to do just to be around her. Blergh.

The writer/director Dieckmann states in a interview that this is semi-autobiographical, and that “some people will want to shake [Eliza], some will want to hug her, and that’s okay with me.” I’d like the do the former. A lot.

SORORITY ROW

Directed by: Stewart Hendler

Elwood Says: 3 Swiss Army Tire Irons out of 5

“Roofie sex is great! You get laid and you get a good night’s sleep.”

This was a fairly standard horror movie. A group of sorority sisters decide to pull a prank at a party. Prank goes too far, one of the sisters gets killed, it all gets covered up. Time passes, and suddenly a masked killer is offing these ladies (and several others) in revenge.

The Sisters of Theta Pi live by the motto of “Trust, Respect, Honor, Secrecy, and Solidarity” – or so they say. They are very quick to pin the murder of Megan (played by Audrina Partridge, and Thank Gods they killed her off early because the girl cannot act) on one of their own (Cassidy, the Smart One) in order to save the bacon of the Frat Boy who actually did the deed. Bitches.

Rounding out the Sisterhood of the Traveling Hot Pants are Chugs (the Drunk Slut), Claire (the Token Asian), Jessica (the Head Bitch in Charge), and Ellie (the Crier).  There are the obligatory boobies, the collateral deaths, and the standard sequel set-up at the end. There was one kill scene involving a wine bottle that I found really clever. I also enjoyed Carrie Fisher as the House Mother. She can wield a mean boomstick.

Interesting fact: Sorority Row boasts a high Hollywood Child ratio. Ellie is played by Rumer Willis (daughter of Bruce), Cassidy is played by Briana Evigan (daughter of Greg), and the blink-or-you’ll-miss-it part of Amazed Senior Boy is played by Rob Belushi (son of James, nephew of John).

Textbook, but entertaining for what it was.

THE STEPFATHER (2009)

Directed by: Nelson McCormick

Elwood Says: 3.5 Fake Text Messages out of 5

“Who am I here?”

This movie is a remake of the 1987 thriller of the same name, both loosely based on the serial killer John Emil List. This wasn’t a terrible remake, as they go. It’s pretty simple story. Man goes from town to town, finds a divorced or widowed woman, gets engaged, and then eventually kills the woman and her kids and anyone else in the way before moving on. Always works in cash, never gets a photo taken, stays as anonymous as possible.

In the 1987 original, the Stepfather was played by Terry O’Quinn (who now is well known as Locke on “Lost,” but back in the day was a creepy character actor). In the retelling, the role of the Stepfather (named David Harris) is taken up by Dylan Walsh. He does a good Creep, but TOQ will always be the better Creep. The mark, Susan Harding (Sela Ward – who is still smoking hot) is a divorced mother of 3 who lives in Portland, Oregon. On the weekend her oldest son Michael (Penn Badgley, “Gossip Girl”) comes home from boarding school, things start to go pear-shaped. Michael doesn’t trust David, and starts looking into things. You can sort of see where the movie goes from here, unless you’ve never seen a movie before.

This movie was good on “jump” moments, and the director tells a good visual tale, especially during the finale. It was less scary on a psychological level than the original, but there were moments of decent tension. The editing is smooth, and the score is heavy on the strings and shrieks. Acceptable popcorn fare here.

Lots of “Hey! It’s That Guy!” people in the cast. Paige Turco, Sherry Springfield, Jon Tenney, Deirdre Lovejoy, Jason Wiles, and Jessalyn Gilsig, just to name a few.

Also, there’s the matter of Michael’s girlfriend, Kelly, who was played by Amber Heard. I gave this movie an extra half-point simply because she’s in a bikini or her underwear for about 95% of her scenes. It certainly didn’t hurt the movie at all, as the picture I’ll close with will show you. Don’t worry ladies: Penn was also topless a lot. There was equal opportunity eye candy.

Similar Posts:

• Cinematic Blues – 6/1/2010
• Cinematic Blues – June 20, 2011
• [DVD] Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
• Cinematic Blues – 3/22/2010
• Cinematic Blues – 5/17/2010
• Cinematic Blues – 5/11/2010
• Cinematic Blues – 6/29/2010

Popularity: 1% [?]