Dear Programmers of Satellite Radio:
I’m sure you’re very busy, but I think I know something you don’t, and in good conscience, I can’t keep it to myself. You may not be aware of this, but Solar de Cahuenga in Los Angeles is full of people working on laptops, writing in notebooks, eating, and staring off into space. So what, you ask? Across the board, whether they are staring, working, eating, or some combination thereof, nearly all of the people who aren’t engaged in conversation are wearing headphones. The question you need to be asking yourself is: why?
I’m sitting here, and I can tell you that at least some of these people did not walk in wearing headphones, and nor did they immediately put them on, indicating some predetermined desire to listen to their own music libraries. No, most of them did so much as I would like to – in reaction to the horrible and jarring selection of music coming from the 90′s satellite station playing overhead. What’s wrong with a 90′s station, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you: “the 90′s” is not a genre.
Am I saying you shouldn’t have 90′s stations? No. I’m saying have a care with your programming! Don’t assault me with a playlist that starts with Nirvana and ends with Pulp, by way of Limp Bizkit and the Counting Crows, with a pit stop at Alanis Morissette. Have a “soft rock of the 90′s” run for your Counting Crows and Joan Osbornes. Grunge rock of the 90′s is fine, but keep your Alice in Chains where it belongs – with your Pearl Jam and your Beta Band. You want to get “creative” with your Radiohead and your Eels, that’s fine, but do it right. They don’t belong anywhere near your Rage Against the Machine and Deftones, okay? Throw in some Toad the Wet Sprocket and you’re golden. Don’t get cocky though, and think you should add some Korn and then follow that in turn with Porno for Pyros before launching into your British shoegaze hour.
Are you beginning to get the point, here? Maybe you don’t care if your programming is acceptable to geeks like me so long as it appeals to the masses, but I say the headphones speak for themselves, my friends. This is LA, man, and a pretty everything-goes kind of coffee shop, and even here, this crap doesn’t fly.
I just thought I’d take this opportunity to enlighten you, so that you can make the appropriate changes and y’know, stop sucking.
Kind regards,
The Baroness
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Oh man, I know. Sometimes I can tolerate such shenanigans if I do a full random play with my own library [Leonard Cohen to Kanye to Clutch FTW], but that is limited. Local radio and syndicated radio for per-programmed station spend a mini-fortune figuring the segues for songs that match and when to stop/break to change pace and what catalog of songs to draw from. When SAT radio just goes full-on ANYTHING GOES… well, it can indeed kinda suck.
Maybe I’m just weird, but I don’t find musical transitions like that as jarring as you seem to.
Then again, I don’t spend a lot of time in coffee shops. Or own an iPod.
I’m just a freak.
Elwood´s last blog ..Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude
Yeah, I agree. You are a freak.
Oh, I know I’m in a curmudgeonly minority on this one, but there are enough out there who would agree!
Ahem. Beta Band would go better with Radiohead than Pearl Jam; ergo, Alice Chains would go with Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, rather than with Radiohead and Beta Band.
Of course, I don’t listen to the radio for the very reason that they might accidentally play some Limp Bizkit, Porno for Pyros, or Counting Crows in my vicinity; and believe me, you don’t want to see that.
Fascist.
Hello, I found your blog in a new directory of blogs. I dont know how your blog came up, must have
Look here: you’re too late in trying to be the dorky spam bot that spouts meme-worthy bits of wisdom. I have one last thing to say to you: TO GET YOU IN THE MOOD, THEY HAVE COME UP WITH THE BLOG. FOLLOW THE BLOG. I HAVE SEEN IT.
Thanks very much for a nice little read.