2009 The Year in Movies | 57 – 61

I know most folks are doing an end of the decade best of list, but when collecting movies for 2009 to start my decade list I noticed that this might be one of my favorite years for movies in a long time. Therefore, taking advantage of the PopBunker.net convenient installment plan, I will present all 61 movies I have seen in the year 2009 as appraised by yours truly*.

*I may be inconsistent and influenced by prejudice. I admit it. It’s my site, so you’ll have to live with it. It’s a good list though. There might be a handful of movies you didn’t see and can put on or cross off your Netflix queue. Dig right in.

The first three movies listed can be considered in a tie for last place. I am only ranking movies of which I have seen.

#61 New Moon

new moon1 2009 The Year in Movies | 57 61 Yes I saw it. I’ve not properly read any of the books, rather I’ve skimmed them as I often do popular books to see if the style jives with my taste. None of the “Twilight” books managed to make it on my reading list, but often books I can’t stand to read make good movies (for me Jane Austen novels are much better as BBC tv events). “New Moon,” however, can be defined by one word: Insipid. To wit:

–adjective
1. without distinctive, interesting, or stimulating qualities; vapid: an insipid personality.
2. without sufficient taste to be pleasing, as food or drink; bland: a rather insipid soup. – Dictionary.com

One could try to string together words to describe the movie. Like mopey and moody and bromidic. It’s not a good movie, it’s not a particularly well shot movie, and each character is only identifiable as a cliché of different shades of dreary or intense. Boring and muddled. My guess is that this franchise is only made for the fans it already has or there would otherwise be a greater attempt at making the story livelier (haha!) for greater appeal.

#60 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

rotfljpg 1 2009 The Year in Movies | 57 61 One cannot hope to encapsulate how terrible this movie is in a single review. Nor do I even have the vocabulary to do this odious film (dis)justice. ROTFL is quite simply to stupidity what “New Moon” is to listless melodrama. “Transformers 2″ is dumb, insulting, annoying, cumbersome, dumb, uninspired, illogical, dumb, worthless, insubstantial, silly, tasteless, and dumb. Michael Bay’s “Tansformers Revenge of the Fallen” is also very dumb.

I’m now convinced that T2:ROTFL was so brain murdering stupid as a ploy to make J(ames)esus C(ameron)hrist’s Avatar seem intelligent when comparing over-hyped super-CGI movies. In fact, I have absolutely no proof that “Avatar’s” rumored budget is so large mostly because it also financed ROTFL.

#59 Bruno

bruno 2009 The Year in Movies | 57 61 Some folks like hyperbolic satire where the supposed claim is to direct self appraisal towards a subject or event. I’ve been told that is the goal of Sacha Baron Cohen’s absurdly offensive fuckstick-fest.

Whatever. I see the movie as an excuse to make fun of people. Maybe the people being made fun of are not the best of folks, but is that really any excuse? Two wrongs do not make a right as I was once told by my elementary school gym teacher when I plowed Chad McGee’s head into a cement wall for pulling the pigtails of a girl I liked. I wish Cohen was Chad McGee and I was back in gym class.

#58 Angels & Demons

angels and demons poster 2009 The Year in Movies | 57 61 This is the first movie on this list that I do not loath with vile intensity. There are two reasons for this: 1) It is mostly inoffensive (to folks that know nothing about cryptology or logic at least) and b) Tom Hanks. I am unrepentant of my platonic man-crush on Tom Hanks. I am a rare fan of the actor who thinks that his career nuked the fridge after A League of Their Own. Sue me. I prefer The Burbs, Joe Versus the Volcano, Big, Bachelor Party, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I love some of his later work too, but no one was as loveable and charismatic as Hanks in those earlier roles. A modern day Jimmy Stewart.

As for “Angels & Demons” I think it is safe to say if one liked the book, he would probably enjoy the movie. So I can finish without a barb at Dan Brown, I will stop now.

#57 Fast & Furious

fast and furious 2009 The Year in Movies | 57 61 I only saw this movie due to a moment of weak willed passivity. I was surprised when I found myself not hating the “Fast & Furious” about half way through. I have no interest in the subject nor actors involved, and I forgot the movie as soon as I walked out of the theater, but my eyeroll, sigh, and time checking count was much lower than I anticipated going in. It was somewhat entertaining even around the senseless script, wooden acting, and jerky, annoying cinematography.

If one is of those morons that install DVD players, Xbox, and lava running lights in his three-inches-off-the-ground (and down the trousers) car, he will probably love this movie.

This being a very undistinguished area on my list, instead of linking a trailer or clip for any of these mostly atrocious movies, I will provide a TOTALMINDFUCKWARNING.

I bring you Tiny Tim: