49. Land of the Lost
I detest Will Ferrell. I mean as an actor, I’m sure he is a pleasant enough human, but as an actor he is the current incarnation of Chevy Chase: unfunny to the extreme. Chase had one or two post SNL moments, but I am not sure Ferrell has had any (moments at all. He was not funny in SNL either). Usually movies that he is in that work work despite of him instead of due to him. Seriously, I get a mild case of IBS whenever I hear his name in any context with humor or as an in demand actor.
That being said, “Land of the Lost” is a trippy sort of experience. Ferrell is critically unfunny, but the mushroom inspired representation of the alternate universe is wild and kinda fun. The movie doesn’t make much sense — and again, Ferrell is terrible — but getting a little altered and watching “Land of teh Lost” is not a bad way to spend 100 minutes*.
*The movie should have been 90 minutes. I have a theory — someday studios will get this (again) — gimmick comedies with a thin plot, sight gags, jokes playing off stereotype, etc. should never be over 90 minutes long. It should be the golden ratio of stupid filmmaking. 90 minutes max! The enjoyment level of guilty pleasures decreases significantly after 85 minutes I find, so the 90 minute cap is even pushing it. (This is also another reason why Transformers 2: ROTFL sucked ass).
In retrospect, I have no idea how this movie made it past the crap-fest that dominated the bottom of this year in movies list. The only merits that “G.I. Joe: the Rise of Cobra” has is that it is not directed by Michael Bay and that no animals were injured or killed during the process of making the film (unlike “Transformers: ROTFL” which caused llamas to commit suicide on word-of-mouth alone).
Then again, geek nation needs to chill the fuck out when it comes to these properties like “Transformers” and “G.I. Joe.” Remember the cartoons? Yeah, try watching them as an adult. They fucking blow (with the exception of “Scooby-Doo” which was an awesome cartoon). There is no immersive story because these cartoons were promotions to sell toys and comics. So, when we wonder why our lovely childhood memories look so bad on the big screen — well, we shouldn’t. That doesn’t mean the movie wasn’t still terrible though.
Troy Duffy should have stopped when he was a cocksucker that made one good movie in one try. Now he is a cocksucker that makes a bad movie half of the time. How this joker has not gotten the Michael Cimino blackball treatment is beyond me. I guess “All Saint’s Day” is not as bad of a movie as “Heaven’s Gate,” but it certainly uses the same “copy my success” formula as Cimino’s spectacular failure. My guess is that movie goers today, and the cultish fans of the first “The Boondock Saints” especially, are not as discriminating as their 1980 counterparts. Fanboy-dom and save or crucify movies and Duffy was saved here. The style of the first film minus Wilem Dafoe equals failure.
Here is a trailer for “The Deer Hunter” which is where a Cimino/Duffy comparison loses traction. “The Deer Hunter” kinda kicks the testacies off of “The Boondock Saints.” Saints looks like a film about choir practice in comparison.
Exactly like every “Final Destination” movie except in 3D. If you liked the others, you will like this one. I sorta liked the others, so I sorta liked this one.
45. Friday The 13th
Nothing is better than re-inventing or “re-booting” a franchise and making it a carbon copy of the original. The best thing about the F13 2009 was all the weed that was growing in the woods (worth getting an axe to the head over if you ask me) and the gratuitous old school slasher film nudity. The kills were not that great although the acting was surprisingly good. I was hoping for more out of a “re-boot.” If the franchise comes back from the dead yet again, there is serious work that needs to be done.