“The Haunting of Winchester House” (2009) [DVD]

Director: Mark Atkins

Starring: Michael Holmes, Lira Kellerman, Tomas Boykin, Barry Womak, Jennifer Smart, and Kimberly Ables Jindra

Asylum Home Entertainment

85min – 2009 – Not Rated

I’m going to get the bias out of the way, so the rest of the review can be as truthful as possible. I know and am friends with one of the principal actors in this movie. I hope he owed the director money or something, because I know he’s better than this steaming pile of a film.

Loosely based on the Sarah Winchester mystery in San Francisco, the film is centered around Drake and Susan Grenier (Holmes and Kellerman) and their teenage daughter, Haley (Womak) as they move out of their city apartment to be live-in caretakers at an old house in the hills. They’ve recently suffered a tragedy, as indicated by the infant-related paraphernalia they’ve left behind “for donation.”

Director Atkins makes an unusual choice here, because the actors do not speak for this entire establishing scene. I like movies to “show” rather than “tell” but I thought this took that concept a little beyond what was needed.

For example: I found out the daughter’s name first, 12 minutes into the movie. The family’s last name was spoken after 25 minutes, Drake’s name was established at the 30 minute mark, and Sarah’s 55 minutes in. A little exposition goes a long way, but Atkins clearly disagrees.

After a close call with an oncoming vehicle, the family finally arrives at the Winchester House and begin to settle in. As Haley explores the property, she runs into Annie (Smart) – the spooky ghost girl – and follows her into a storm cellar where all sorts of old items, including a chalkboard used for a deaf resident once upon a time.

“I hate the 19th Century,” says Holmes’ character, in a prime example of good acting not being able to overcome really bad writing.

Haley gets trapped, apparitions appear, and everyone is scared. Enter Harrison Dent: Paranormal Investigator, and this film’s clichéd “Mystical Negro.” Tomas Boykin does his best Billy Dee as he explains to the Greniers about the house and the mysteries it holds.

Anyway…ghost and spirits haunt the family. Auxillary characters are killed, including Dent, Haley is kidnapped by the ghost of Sarah Winchester (Jindra), and eventually Sarah and her daughter Annie – whose accidental death was the catalyst for these events – are reunited, and the Greniers are free to go.

Or are they?

In a twist, the film decides to shift away from Amityville, and pulls an M. Knight triple-axle via Beetlejuice.

Add amateur hour practical effects (the obvious latex on the dead female cop, for starters), a literal interpretation of how fingernails on a chalkboard are torture, and Dent’s “Magic Talisman” that turns non-corporeal spirits to dust (?!?), and you’ve got the makings of a no good, very bad movie.

It wasn’t all bad, though. I did enjoy the dynamics of the three principals, and thought that Holmes, Kellerman, and Womak worked well together. All three turned in the best performances possible, considering the material they were working with.

I thought that the cinematography was good, and the use of darkness and shadows helped to make some decent creepy.

I had concerns about too much green-screen use, particularly in the interior shots, but according to the “making of” featurette on the DVD the movie was also shot to be 3-D, so I may have mistaken what looked like CGI for something else.

Composer Chris Ridenhour wrote the movie’s score, which I enjoyed. It had a few missteps, but I felt it blended into the movie pretty well, adding to the creepy factor when the DP was on the ball.

Bottom line: This movie was trash, and I will make a point to avoid anything written or directed by Mark Atkins in the future.

Post-Script: Adding to the unintentional humour on the DVD are the previews. Come for the Bruce Boxleitner vehicle “Transmorphers: Fall of Man” – the sequel to 2007’s “Transmorphers” – and stay for the Apatow/Rogen homage “Sex Pot” (subtitled ‘In 3-DDD’ – get it?).

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