The Bicycle Man of My Dreams

Many people rag on tv of the late seventies though early 90s as a time of almost unconstitutional stupidity. Sure, there were some truly awful shows on then. In the peak of my childhood that is. And, yes, granted – “The A-Team” (my favoritest show!) does not seem nearly as cool as it once did. The production values, stories, and acting were… defining of the era*. I don’t mean that fondly.

There were other shows that tackled difficult issues on a surprisingly regular basis; from eating disorders to self image to teenage sexuality – many of these themes are not addressed as seriously or as well in today’s proclaimed more enlightened era of better** tv. Give me a hundred ego lifting aphorisms of Mrs. Garrett from “The Facts of Life” over anything on “House MD.”

*Much later I found out that Stephen J. Cannell penned many of the episodes for the A-Team which is not surprising because he is the proud author of one of the most hackneyed and near illiterate books I have ever read.
***Whatever modern tv has gained in production values and scripting, it has lost in reality tv and the fact that there are too many channels which deludes the talent pool.*

Some of my most powerful memories come from tv in the last 70s and 80s and at least two reoccurring nightmares were spawned from something I watched. One of them was bad-scary. It was from a scene in some tv movie about child abuse where someone burnt a kids Spider-Man doll in the oven just to fuck the kid over. I don’t know what the show was or who it had in it, but I do know that I had a doll just like that one and it was my most favorite thing in the world. This commercial below I am 90% sure is the figure. I know it had the forearms that one loaded web-sauce that could then be shot out the wrist. Zeusdamn, it was awesome!

But last night…

I had a dream for the first time in 20+ years of the creepy bicycle man from “Diff’rent Strokes.” The bicycle man was a child molester that lured kids to his molestation den with pastries. If I remember right (who knows?) I think Arnold’s chubby white friend actually fell victim and there were all kinds of uncomfortable and scary scenes for a kid to watch. That episodes had an impact on me for a long while. I had nightmares from it that were only rivaled by my people-fox and clown-killer nightmares*** But still, that episode did more for my awareness of bad adults than any talk or information received from my parents.