Jessica Alba and Robert Rodriguez
team up to make a movie adaptation of a French comic that no one cares about. This is fitting to me for both of these entertainers are filed away in the same deep dark chest in the junky attic part of my brain as folks of whom I couldn’t care less about their projects.
Alba has made a “name” for herself for being almost obnoxiously attractive. She has virtually no acting skills and, to date, Dark Angel might be the best project she has ever done.
Robert Rodriguez is an enigma to me in that he is a director that everyone seems to wait with baited breath for news of his ever-so-filled plate while I just can’t understand the fuss. El Mariachi was a true low budget masterpiece. It was a quirky movie with surreal zooms, strange object fascination, off kilter actors, and a variably paced plot. The sum was an infinite more than its parts and it worked on traditional as well as surrealist level. And it was made on 10k. What is it that has set him apart since he arrived in Hollywood? Tepid El Mariachi sequels where quirky and surreal was replaced with Big Hollywood Movie 101* starring Antonio Bandares? Kids movies? The Faculty?
Oh, Sim City? Ok, Sin City was a good movie. And it hit at the absolute perfect time. Folks were tired of the silly slap-dash take on comics and here comes this big, beefy, stylish, and visceral graphic novel adaptation that used a gimmick filming approach that focused more on post production to the film than traditional film elements. That’s great! It worked very well. But it was a one-time thing. Or at least one franchise. What else can Rod do? Well, I mentioned some of his other efforts above. I’m not impressed there. At all. And the Planet Terror entry in meta-fest Grindhouse was pedestrian at best.
*I’m not a Hollywood hater. In fact, I’m a Hollywood realist. For all of the junk Hollywood puts out, it probably still produces more watchable and entertaining movies, on ratio, than independent studios. There are some subjects that independents tackle better – and there is a lot of talent in the field – but the real players still wear Hollywood jerseys. Sure, re-hash is produced at amazingly accelerated levels and formulas rein supreme – but that is the business aspect of Hollywood. A secret that I am sure any movie fan is aware of: They’re many faces to Hollywood. The one that absorbs all that criticism are The Cash Collectors – low cost formalistic movie makers with A- and B+ level actors that are distilled into a movie stuffed with maco-market research. Think every romantic comedy or the first half of Jim Carrey or Tom Hank’s career**. These might be decent to terrible movies, but that’s not the point. The vast majority of them make tons of money. That’s the point. Hollywood is business first, not art. Hollywood still churns out good movies, but remember most Oscar winners don’t make as much money as Night at the Museum. As a business owner with investors, what movie would you choose to make?
**And I guess the last 5 years as well
Speaking of independent film making,
there is some rumor starting to spread of yet another new zombie movie. This one with the interesting take on Jesus being a Zombie! The movie is reportedly based of another comic so it is going to take a swipe at the triple pay of hot payoffs – comics, things Jesus, and zombies – to get some support as an ultra low budget release. The movie and comic is called Corpus Delicti.
The reason I think this is a bad idea? Four Words: Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. If there was any movie title that should have worked as something amazingly cool, that would be it. Instead the movie was rife with the same fatalistic flaws as every bad independent movie: Too long scenes, static camera, awkward dialog, not enough editing of “precious” material, the mistake that the audience will think like the filmmaker instead of the fimmaker thinking like his audience. I have to imagine the only reason this movie has an almost laughably good rating of 5.3 on IMBD is because half or more of the people voted with their anti-religion-is-cool ammo ready to go. I enjoy pushing boundaries as much as anyone. I dislike puritanism in all of its forms. But to make yourself believe something shitty is good just to piss off Jesus – well, that’s pathetic. JCVH was pathetic. And I am sure Zombie Jesus-man will be as well.
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